So whilst we were in Geneva I took on Drax the Destroyer. For those who don't know who Drax the Destroyer is, here he is portrayed by Dave Bautista in Guardians of the Galaxy:
Let me set the scene. We were in the middle of Geneva, in a small run down mall that felt like it belonged in Otorohanga. The toilet, of course, cost; 1.50.- to enter.
Perfect, I had exactly that in coins, both Laura and Annika needed to go so I persuaded them to just enter together, despite their being a Toilet Man on the other side of the barrier. Upon walking through the Toilet Man starts to panic.
"Pardon, pardon" he beckons to the two 'ignorant' patrons.
All very well, the two wander through and of course the Toilet Man does not follow.
However, all took a turn mid-pee when a security guard happened to walk past. When I say 'security guard', what I actually mean is 6'5", 150kg of bulging muscle!
This sent the Toilet Man into a spin, nattering frantically in French, or Swiss, or German, I couldn't quite decipher.
Annika was the first to emerge, only to be blocked by The Mass. We of course understood every French word that came from his mouth.
"Miss, you can only go through with one at a time, blah blah"
Annika simply replayed with Maori place names. Good girl.
The two listed every language available, a passer by asked if she spoke Portuguese, to which Annika replied "Taupo?" And walked off.
Laura was next, but before she came out Drax went to fetch someone who spoke English.
Quizzing me, I'm not too sure why, I simply mimed the rubbed-fingers-money symbol followed by a gesture at my neck indicating that I had no money. Not a lie.
Finally Laura emerged to a scene that she was clearly not expecting. Toilet Man blocked the exit, I beckoned Laura trough, everything is fine.
Toilet Man shouted, Drax became irate, and for some reason decided to turn towards me.
"She pay" I said with a shrug in fake broken English.
This seemed to wind him up further.
Laura began to walk away, Toilet Man continued to yell in his silly language.
By this stage most of the mall was watching on, and Drax was moving very quickly towards me.
What did I do?
"She pay" I pleaded again with a shrug.
His arm shot out toward me, I blocked the offence and yelled, standing my ground, "DO NOT TOUCH ME!"
Drax yelled something back, I tip toed making myself as big as possible.
My theory being he might react like a bear, and I yelled back.
"NO, SHE PAID!"
Our faces mere inches from each other.
Then I played it cool.
Drax couldn't do anything.
I lowered, turned, shrugged, and waved.
"Goodbye"
More yelling in 'Draxish'.
"Goodbye" I said again. This time asserting that it was clear this was over.
Beckoning the others to follow we left. Boarded the escalator and were gone.
Annika, just to nail the coffin, turned, smiled right a Drax and presented a thumbs-up; 'good job mate'. The final statement.
Despite the fact that I now know that if my damsel is in distress I will hold my ground against even the deadliest foe, I might just pay for the toilet next time.
Then again, where's the good story in that?
Labels: Switzerland 2016
